And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
