so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
