Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
