He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
