I wish my penis had an off switch
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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