Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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