I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
