He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
