So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
