so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
