Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
