I will die if light touches me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
