Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
