Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
