We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
