You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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