we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
