There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
