i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
