Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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