She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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