Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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