I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
