So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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