You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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