I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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