He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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