It's a beautiful day for a hangover
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
