i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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