can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
