Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
