Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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