No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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