bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
