We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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