I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
