you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
