THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize