i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
