im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
