I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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