id be glad to
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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