Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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