After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
