Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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