Where is the hickey?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
