im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
