I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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