the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I touched a dick in church today
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
