His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
