need another drink. this is the easiest way
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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