Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
