We're facebook friends in real life
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
