There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
