You left your underwear on the fireplace
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
