So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
