We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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