I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
