Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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