Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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