im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
