let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
