This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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