This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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