smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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