an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
