Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
