I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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