I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
