hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
