he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
