were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
