:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
