I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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