that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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