i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
