hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
