Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I looked at my own cervix.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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