so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
