You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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