I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize