My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
