tell your sister to shave her snatch
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
