While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
