Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
