as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
