i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's great music for shaving your balls
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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