I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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