I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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