hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So vagazzling was a success
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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