if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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