if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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