you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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