i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
40s are totally the cure
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
