come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
