Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
