I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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