this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
How's work?
Spinning.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
