Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
