I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize